idk what it means but i sure as hell felt weak
i had a dream recently
actually this weekend actually
and idk i had 3 nightmares in a row
first dream idr it but it scared me so much that i woke myself up
then went back to sleep and i had my 2nd dream
2nd dream was too vivid for me
i was home AT MY OLD HOME like where i lived like close to like 5 years ago
i was home on my computer and i started hearing scratching noises at eh door
and at first i ignored it
but then it started happening more and more and then I REMEMBER HEARING the door jiggle
which scared me so i got up and realized that all the windows on the back of the house were open well i mean teh blinds were open
and they could see me so i closed them and then sat down again
but then i heard tapping on the windows
and i heard someone trying to open teh sliding glass door and i start freaking out even more and so i went to the kitchen and
see my rents have this SUPER long knife but its for cutting bread? idc what anyone says used correctly that long-ass knife could do ser. damage and …it wasnt there
all that was in the kitchen drawer was like 7 diff. weird cooking utensils
and 3 of them would only do any harm to someone if used correctly and i remember i was staring at them in shock and then i heard scratching at the back door and i started to panic so i grabbed the 3 that i knew might work and as i was leaving the kitchen i was staring at the back door where i could hear the scratching and the jiggling of the door handle
and as i was staring
the electricty cut off
they cut the power
all i saw was my laptops bright computer
and thats when i knew
they were coming in
so i went to the guest bedroom and went into the closet and by then i was shaking like i remember i could see my hands shaking while holding those kitchen utensils i had grabbed and the last thing before i woke up was…the sound of a door opening to the house an the thought “oh my god im gonna have to kill someone tonight. im gonna have to take someones life and i dont know if i can do it” and i woke up
scared the fuk outta me i never felt so scared in my life not to mention i could feel the shaking in my bones and i just…
idk when i woke up i thought “god im a coward i fucking hid n a closet and i was so scared that i coulldnt take a life when they’re the ones breaking in and possibly going to kill you. you cant kil someone”
the stupid dream is still sticking with me i just
i never felt so WEAK in my life
nOT even the 8 months of depression i fell into in 2009 ..did i feel this weakness this helplessness that i felt in the dream
I keep thinking about how scared Sam looks here. Not just because his brother is a demon. Think about it. Dean, human dean that is, was an amazing hunter. Sam knows that. Sam has seen what dean can do. Now imagine knowing that Demon Dean, with all of the skills as human Dean, with none of the morals, is trying to find you. Scary as shit.
don’t forget he’s immortal, so that anti-demon knife is totally useless against him
SO I’LL BE BACK TO LIVE-BLOGGING WHICHEVER SHOW IM WATCHING TOMORROW SO I EXPECT YOU GUYS TO SPAM MY INBOX
and im kidding but im ser. about the live-blogging part
(New Post) A REAL conversation about Degrassi….#tbt
This post may or may not get me in trouble but, either way “the trouble” will ultimately be a big release and the deflating of the elephant in the room.
I was very blessed to grow up on television. My longest gig was on the the show Degrassi: TNG where I had the chance to play the character “Hazel” for 6 seasons. I had an amazing experience on Degrassi, I was a teenager on top of the world! I traveled, I met fantastic people and I started to develop a fan base, there wasn’t much more I could ask for….
Actually I lied there was a few more things I could ask for and that was mainly to get a CHANCE. In my 6 year run of being on the show I only had ONE major story line around my character and all the other episodes I was the token dose of color or a glorified extra. This experience was incredibly frustrating for me. I was on the show when I was just starting to recognize my own potential and let my imagination run free and so the last thing I wanted was to be stifled creatively on a major platform. Whenever I would talk to the executives about ideas I had or expanding my character in any way, it would always get shut down or pushed to the side. I worked on an album with Universal Canada while doing the show, to get out some of my creative frustration out and suggested to some of the people at Degrassi to let me sing and instead they made my character a “bad singer” lol. It’s easy for me to laugh at the ridiculousness of that now but at the time it wasn’t funny at all! I used to think I was crazy while being on the show because as much as I would be included in episodes and advertising campaigns it always felt like there was another force trying to shut me out. I ignored it though, tried my best to continue to plead my case for why I believed my character should be developed a bit more and continued to do my best on the show and be grateful for the opportunity. So many people had pointed out to me that as black girl in Canada it was great just to see my face on the screen and so I continued on.
Recently I had a conversation with a filmmaker in Canada who had worked with me while I was on Degrassi and he unfortunately confirmed to me the feelings that I had always had but never wanted to admit to. Degrassi had an issue with my race. He told me how the writers and producers had no intentions of developing the story lines of my character unless it was to enhance the story of one of their other white characters. They had some plans for some of the other black characters on the show but their ideas were only to cover the usual stereotypes that we see of people of color on television teen pregnancy, petty theft, basketball, broken family homes etc and he usually had to fight with them to think out of the box with those characters to not have them go down the road of the usual cliches. He told me to get them to do the one major story line that my character had was like pulling teeth and after a few more years of working on the show he had to leave because of the blatant hierarchy system that they had in place and he couldn’t work with people who didn’t share the same beliefs.
This conversation, hurt me but it didn’t surprise me. I knew I wasn’t crazy all those years and it sucks to think that there are people who think like this and treat kids this way but unfortunately this is the world that we live in. I’m always offended when I read or hear someone say “Hazel was my least favorite character” or “Hazel didn’t do shit on the show” I recognize that “Hazel” is not me and I shouldn’t take it to heart but it always stings just a bit because I know that “Hazel” and myself never got a chance to shine on the show for very ugly reasons.
TV land and the entertainment business is a tough place. Its sad to think that we still live in a world where we have to fight for equal rights whether it be for marriage or just to get a story line on a tv show. At the end of the day, I would’ve loved to see some things done differently while I was on Degrassi but I was still grateful for my opportunity because it helped me in many ways for my career. The experience on that show has strengthened me and inspired me to keep fighting and working my damnedest to change someones perspective on women of color and it inspired a lot of my ideas for my web series “Black Actress”. No one said the journey was going to be easy and that’s what keeps it interesting, if I can learn to turn a negative into a positive I think I’m going the right way.
All of this….Ok, boo.
HAZEL was my girl.
before my time
So once again, boazpriestly has a secondary blog now because sometimes when the Supernatural cast does fabulous panels he gets too excited and hits the post limit and get told he has to wait six hours before he can scream about the fabulous panels, and he is just too impatient for that bullshit.
So y’all should reblog this so other people know where boaz disappeared to.